Toddlers Invented Charcuterie

Charcuterie.  I don’t think I’d even heard this word until a few years ago.  I believe it’s French.  It’s a fancy word used to describe those trays you get when you go wine tasting, or you might find it on the appetizer list at a nice eating establishment.  They usually contain some thinly sliced meats like salami or prosciutto, a carb of some sort – crackers or baguette slices, stinky or rich cheese chunks and some type of spreadable, like chutney or honey.  If it’s jelly, you’ve lost me.  Anybody who knows me knows my aversion to pretty much anything gelatinous.  I may try a little drop of marmalade, but a schmear would be way too aggressive.  I’ve told my husband he can handle the peanut butter and jelly sandwich making with the kids.  Mom out. I do really like these charcuterie trays though.  I just think about them a little bit differently these days.

Mealtime with two small children is about survival.  They take being “hangry” to a whole new level.  When my youngest gets hungry he sounds like Daryl Hannah in the movie Splash, when she does her mermaid calls.  It’s ear piercing really.  My daughter will be perfectly content molding her Play-doh until she hears a pantry door and all of a sudden she NEEDS her purple cup and a cereal bar.  It’s at that point that all of my mealtime brainstorming, which occurred earlier in the day, goes out the window.  Maybe we can have pasta tonight.  What’s that?  The water needs to boil for ten minutes?  We don’t have that kind of time!  Quesadillas?  It’ll be bedtime before I can finish shredding cheese and preheating the oven.  So what do I do?  I open the fridge and start grabbing what I can.  It’s feeding time at the zoo.  Chicken and vegetables is now lunch meat, a slice of cheese and some defrosted peas.  By defrosted I mean a pile in my hand under hot water.  Meatloaf and potatoes.  Nope.  A microwaved hot dog, strawberry yogurt and some blueberries.  I try to make it all sound so exciting too.  My daughter usually points at her plate to get a rundown of what she’s looking at.  I smile real big as I sing “reheated eggs and raisins” with jazz hands.  This is not exactly high-end, but I’m pretty sure it’s their initial exposure to charcuterie.

Maybe this is why adults love charcuterie so much.  It takes us back to our childhood, when we valued snack time as much as recess.  Lunchables, hello?  These are the small stepping-stones building up our food repertoire (French again), which inevitably lead to wine and fancy meat trays.  Maybe adulthood is when we get to do it right.   Really enjoy our nibbles.  So order the glass of red wine (a.k.a your purple cup) and enjoy!