The Holiday Cleanse

For my twenty-something self, the holiday cleanse was something I invented after being sucked into watching all of the diet articles engulfing the media, post New Years Eve.  It centered around all of the holiday binging on pumpkin pie, potatoes and booze.  Lots of booze.  It usually started with a half-assed review of my fridge, where I would clean out the juice, whipped cream and croutons, and add lettuce and apples.

The holiday cleanse is so much more to me these days.  The Sunday after New Years, my husband and I commit to taking down the Christmas tree, decorations and lights.  With not much else on the horizon for the day, this one item on our checklist quickly evolves into something meaty.  Before the cleanse, there is a moment of sadness as I start to realize I’m boxing up actual cheer.  Santa’s sparkle and glittery balls are being put away, probably feeling shunned as if they did something wrong.  Ok, I feel like I just did something wrong – did that sound dirty to anyone else?  I feel very accomplished as I finish taking down the Christmas tree ornaments.  Check it off the list!  As I reach for the garland with holly, that I had on the fireplace mantle, I notice something.  The batteries from our remote control candles has been out for quite some time.  Without the holiday sparkle, I feel that these lights might be useful with the transition period back to reality.  Batteries, I need batteries.  I head to the garage and find the exact ones that I need.  That never happens.  This is shaping up to be a lottery winning kind of day.  As I was walk back and forth to the garage I notice a few things.  We have a picture that needs to be hung aaaand our tile floor in the kitchen is dirty.  While I’m in the garage putting back the batteries I didn’t use (yes, I can’t believe I had extra either), I go over to the workbench and find a nail and hammer to hang the picture.  I stand back to admire my work, but only for a minute.  I have an impromptu date with the Swiffer waiting in the kitchen.  As I was in the kitchen, I noticed that we have a lot of bottles and crap on the counter.  I want less crap.  I start to organize, which leads to throwing away random baby bottle parts, checking the expiration date of some baby food items and starting the dishwasher.  You get the picture.  This goes on for several hours.  During this time, my husband and I pass each other a couple of times, but we are in our own zones.  Getting shit done for the greater good, and probably enjoying some alone time.  I know I am.  As I’m putting away some mail on our counter, what I thought was one of the finishing touches, it leads me to our file cabinet.  The file cabinet.  The place where filing actually only happens once a year. The rest of the time, papers are put on top of the file cabinet with the intent of getting to it after the kids have gone to bed.  Ok, definitely by the end of the week.  Ok, next time I find myself needing to go to the file cabinet.  Ok, the next time.  Today was the day.  I take off the piles of papers and go to town.  I end up with three full trash bags of shredded papers and astonishingly zero paper cuts. No, I’m not getting rid of all of the evidence.  I’ve come to realize that I’m somewhat of a paper hoarder.  I’ve seen some of the other members of my family. It’s genetic.  Leave me alone.  With all of this decluttering I literally feel ten pounds lighter.  Now, tell me that’s not a cleanse.  I’d also like to note that the holiday cleanse is only possible because after all of the travel and playtime with Santa’s toys, the kids are so thrown off their schedules, they usually take a four hour nap.  Yes, I know, this may never happen again, but I’ll remember this day fondly.