1) The morning of the appointments, enter the bathroom where your children are eagerly standing on the stools in front of their sinks, and encourage them to brush their teeth really well. Put a casual and uplifting spin on the upcoming inspection, by smiling and making the kids feel good about showing off all of their hard work – brushing their teeth everyday (ok, mostly everyday). Assure your daughter that the person in the white coat, who she’s about to see, is not the same person who gives her shots. You can give the lesson about novocaine another day. Start exiting the bathroom if more questions ensue, or whining starts.
2) Upon arrival at the dentist office, while you’re inevitably completing forms for the receptionist, encourage the kids to play with the office toys. This allows them to get comfortable with the environment and gives you some quiet time (you’ll need to save up your strength)
3) As the hygienist calls your names, you’re brought to the x-ray room. Feed your kids a story about transforming into super heroes when their taking x-rays, since they’ll be sitting in a large captain’s chair and wearing a heavy protective cape. What they’ll really see is a precariously balanced chair and a heavy cloak, resembling a straight jacket. While you’re still clinging to the hope that this whole lie is going to work, the hygienist takes some notes in their charts and then lets you down easy. “We can try again on the next visit.”
4) Continue to smile as you enter the room where cleaning will begin. You can try to distract the kids with the fancy movies projecting from the ceiling, but even Nemo can’t take away from the surgical tools and steel tray positioned next to the leather recliners. They’re not dummies.
5) The next thirty minutes will be filled with flailing arms and screams. Once you’ve calmed down, you can turn your attention to your little patients. If you’ve gotten at least one of them to sit quietly, let alone open their mouth for a good five seconds, let’s call it a success. The dentist will remind you that there shouldn’t be any sweets for at least the next thirty minutes, but if stashing a Reese’s peanut butter cup in your purse gives you any sort of leverage…then Trick-or-Treat, my friend.
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