Dear New Year’s Eve,
Let’s get real for a minute. I appreciate that you always arrive, dressed to the nines, with your positive attitude. You rain down with your aggressively optimistic and shiny glitter hug, with promises of all things “New”. But you’re never fully new. Am I right? I mean, it’s not that I’m not looking forward to a fresh start sometimes and a different take on the same ol’ ball of wax. But a clean slate? A completely clean slate? A crisp blank sheet of white paper? Total pipe dream. If this were the case, we’d all live in a nonsensical world where there would be no ties to the past and consequences would hit a brick wall when the calendar fell on the magical date of January 1st. No such luck. Life’s consequences can linger for weeks (shoot, let’s rip off the band-aid)…even, years. So here’s what I’d like to say to this time and space where we see the past year fading into the rear view mirror and we turn on our brights to the road ahead – because I’m trying to cope with the pressures of New Year’s Eve:
You sting a little bit. Every time.
Don’t get me wrong, I still want to pour a glass of champagne, because it’s ceremonial and I feel in a small way it’s cleansing (not just for the palate). But a good buzz is sometimes the only thing that seems manageable right now. Not overwhelmingly clarifying. But acceptable and manageable.
You make me miss things.
We’re all hats and horns into the New Year, but there is so much tied to the past, that I feel further and further from what could have been, what once was, what used to be.
You make me hopeful.
If this past year was one for the record books, or if this year was one you want to gladly watch drift away, the new year is coming and sometimes looking ahead is distracting and necessary. You always have the ability to get better. Sometimes you have to. Sometimes you need to. Please.
You make me happy (guilty).
Life should have ended for me after my son passed away. In moments, it felt like it did. It didn’t. It didn’t. Great, now I feel guilty. I’ve smiled. Dang it, I’ve even laughed. How can something so nice still feel so conflicting?
You make me sad.
Another year has gone by. An entire year. It didn’t bring my son back. I didn’t find a magic pill to bring him closer. He might be further apart. Please don’t be further apart.
You remind me to love.
I’m so capable of love. I can love the sh*t out of something if I really want to. It’s special. It’s raw. It’s protected. It’s real. It already hurts. Even before it’s gone. It hurts.
You make me share.
It’s a balancing act, sharing the past with the future. Sharing is a hard lesson. I struggle trying to teach my toddlers to share. Probably because I still don’t know how to do it all that well myself. It can be kind of exhausting. Now would be a good time to pour another glass of champagne.
You get the short end of the stick.
You’re so close to my son’s birthday. He should be here to celebrate. I feel myself getting short with you, when you haven’t even been given a chance to settle, or mellow, or excite. Feeling the need to “gear up” for the New Year. That’s not exciting at all. Every year you parade around with the word ‘Happy’, when other words might be better suited. Hurry Up New Year. I don’t want to talk about it in the New Year. I’m having a hard time with the New Year. I’m going to take it slow in the New Year. I don’t want to jinx it, so please don’t say “Happy” New Year.
Mad Libs for the New Year – here, give it a try:
____ New Year
____ New Year
____ New Year
I know, I know, you never asked for all of this pressure. At least I don’t think you did. But you’re kinda loud, and it makes if hard to avoid you, even when I might try. So I find myself in a position to embrace you. You’re here and I’m here. So let’s make the best of it like we always do. You can bring your hats and horns and I’ll bring a promise to try.
5 Essentials to Rediscovering Your Joy After Loss
Random thoughts –
Peaceful New Year!
Hi New Year!
Oh look, it’s January! … or Monday or whatever
Kindness counts New Year!
Maybe ‘Happy’ New Year is just more Fake News!
Congratulations New Year! You introduced me to blogging as a ‘follower of JR. Thank You New Year! Weekly posts – smart, funny, open & honest, personal, emotional, thoughtful. Good Job New Year! Great writing, perspective, some laughs, some tears – Loved the adventure. What’s Up New Year! Whatever you write, I’m ready to read. Welcome New Year!