Resisting the Urge to Overthink Everything

Moms are in a constant state of navigation.  What is the family going to eat for dinner?  What time do I need to get up in the morning, to make sure we all get out of the house on time?  What time do I need to wake up if I want one quiet and sweat-free cup of coffee?  Is this fever worthy of a call to the doctor?  Is this rash normal?  Should my toddler be talking by now?  Is it possible to sneak away and actually go pee by myself?  That last one’s a definite no.  We navigate everything.  We navigate even when we don’t need to.  Don’t try and deny it, because there’s actually a word for it.  It’s called overthinking.

I’m pretty sure my husband thinks this word is a byproduct of my existence.  I actually wouldn’t disagree with him on this one.  Guilty as charged.  On the other hand, I feel the need to make my case for going down the rabbit hole of ‘what ifs’.  If I’m not thinking about things from 2,000 different angles, who will.  Ummm, you’re welcome?

My three-year-old daughter has developed a (nervous) habit.  She picks at the skin on the sides of her fingernails.  So much so, that she gives herself “owies”.  If her hands aren’t being used to build a Lego tower or rock her baby to sleep, she’s more than likely going to start fidgeting with her fingers.  Queue nervous nail picking.  I feel for her.  I know this habit all too well, because I do the same thing.  I used to be a lot worse, but idle hands aren’t really an option these days.  Setting aside time for my own nervous habits starts to feel almost selfish.  On one hand (no pun intended), it’s really annoying to watch my daughter replicate something that I myself am not proud of.  Stop picking your hands!  The other part of me thinks it’s completely fascinating.  For her to have developed this habit, so early on in life, makes me wonder how far this powerful web of genetics really stretches.  Should I hold off on getting frustrated, because I literally gave her this habit?

So naturally, I kicked it up a notch in the world of overthinking.  What if it’s not a habit manifested from boredom, like I once thought, when I was the only hand-picking victim?  What if my daughter is the most anxious toddler there ever was and she belongs in a Stanford University case study of some sort?  If I play it off as a nervous habit, when it’s something more, I’ll be the one to blame when she suffers any future hurdle.  Doesn’t play nice with others?  Poor thing – I hear she contracted hand-picking as a small child.  Why does that girl always wear gloves?  Well, it’s definitely not because she has secret ice powers like Queen Elsa of Arendelle.

We already had a previously scheduled appointment booked with the pediatrician, so I was looking forward to getting some real answers.  I was also bracing myself for answering tough questions, which I was willing to do, if it would lead to a habit-changing prescription or new detailed regimen to kick the habit.  What faults does mommy have, that cause you to pick your hands?  Here’s an ink blot – tell me what you see.  Thank goodness these appointments usually have a hard stop.

The doctor looked at her hands and asked a few questions focusing on the general themes of how often and when she does this.  As I sat, waiting to exhale, the doctor hit me with my habit-changing and detailed directions.  The answer to all off my problems-past, present and future.  Drumroll.  Put some cream on her hands.

Put some cream on it?  This is the kind of groundbreaking medicine that will help my girl succeed in kicking her repetitive and potentially subconscious choices?  The mixed feelings of it all (yup, overthinking again), but mostly relief that all she needs is a little cream.

When you feel yourself starting to overthink:

• Write it down – put it out there so it doesn’t run circle in your head.  If you’re the more tech savvy type, there are lots of organizational apps out there
• Talk it out – sometimes talking about how you feel like an overly prepared weirdo can be very therapeutic
• Take a time-out – taking time to breathe can slow down the train, even after it’s left the station

Motherhood is overthinking.  We don’t necessarily want to do it, but feeling like we have a good handle on things can provide a great deal of comfort for our souls.  Or in the very least, just help us to get through the day.  So do what you need to do mom, but just remember that sometimes all you may need to do is put a little cream on it.