With over 1,870 million active users on Facebook, there’s a high probability that my morning routine is not unlike many others. After the alarm clock goes off, before even getting out of bed, I’m leaning over to grab my phone off the nightstand and do a quick check-in on social media. I should be using this time to get in the shower before toddlers find out I’m awake, but coffee hasn’t entered the equation yet and this involves a lot of movement. Have you ever opened up Facebook and been greeted with pictures you’ve posted in years past? These memories can leave you feeling warm-hearted about times past, but for the bereaved, they can deliver quite the blow.
I have been receiving lots of these memory reminders on Facebook and Shutterfly lately. Hey Laura, check out these memories from four years ago! Photos of baby showers, first bath-times and morning snuggles are front and center. I look at the date stamps and I’m quickly doing the math…yup, this is three months before my son passed away. Gosh I looked so naive and happy. I had no idea what was coming my way. I’m quickly regretting my decision to lean over and grab my phone. A toddler-free shower would have been a way better idea. Heck, running a marathon would have been less draining.
These reminders aren’t escapable all together, but there are some things that can help to get through them:
Share the Memories – The gut reaction can be to give into the sadness (which you’re totally allowed to do) and break-up with social media. Look at it as a way to give a shout out to your loved one. The next time I’m “reminded” of a memory of my son, I’m going to share it. It never feels very good when people shy away from talking about my son, so it’s up to me, his mama, to set the grief record straight.
Know Your Limits – If you can’t get yourself to share the memories, please don’t force yourself. I personally don’t think taking a break from social media is a bad thing if it’s in the name of positive mental health. I usually find myself taking breaks during holidays, which are naturally tougher times.
Turn Off Notifications – You can usually opt out of receiving email notifications from businesses. Facebook has an option in their ‘Notifications Settings’ to turn off their ‘On This Day’ feature:
- Under your Facebook profile page, click the picture of the globe in the upper right corner. This is where you can edit Notifications.
- Click ‘Settings’
- Scroll down to the section of your settings called ‘What You Get Notified About’
- Find ‘On This Day’ and use the drop down menu to select ‘None’
Social media is still very new and it’s ever changing…much like grief. I wish we could pre screen all of the content, in an effort to protect ourselves from opening up old wounds. I didn’t know about these memory pop-ups until the first one showed up, along with its hefty and unwelcome bag of mixed emotions. Navigating social media and finding a way to make it work for you and your grieving heart is important. Maybe tackling it after that first cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt either.
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