I found out last night that a friend’s son passed away. The news was shocking and sad. The immediate gut punch and the waves of emotions that followed felt familiar. I reached out via messenger to send her a note to let her know that I was sorry for her loss and I was thinking of her. She wrote kindly back…and that was it.
But that wasn’t it.
My response to her was one of someone who doesn’t know what it feels like to lose a child. Don’t get me wrong, it was truthful and from my heart, but it barely scratched the surface. It was less than the dent of pen ink to paper.
I instantly told myself that her situation is completely different than mine and I couldn’t know how she’s feeling.
But even if that’s true (I mean I really don’t know how she’s feeling), it shouldn’t stop me from reaching out to her with all of my heart.
I cried. I sat on my couch and cried thinking of how she is feeling. I was instantly taken back, reminded of the day that I realized my baby was gone and I thought of more than a million things I wanted to say to her.
I wanted to tell her…
That I remember (never forgot) how kind she was when Chase passed away, and I hope that she feels that same kindness from others as she goes through grief.
That it is a strange feeling – of life continuing to go on while you want or feel like you’re standing still, or even wanting to go backwards a little.
That even though I didn’t get to meet her son, knowing her and hearing her talk of her husband and children, well, the love they all share is for the record books.
That I think about her husband and other son, who are grieving alongside her. Walking the same path, but in different ways.
That she is not alone. She will feel like it at times because grief can be lonely, but she is not. I wish I could always make her feel like she is not.
That her son will continue to change lives for the better. He will bring her friendships she didn’t know existed and inspire others to dream bigger. It will be beautiful. Really really beautiful
That I really wish I knew why sad things happen to wonderful people.
That when people say things that come out wrong, she will feel if their hearts are in the right place. Even if the words hurt.
That I am here for her.
That the overwhelming sadness I’m feeling means that her son’s life has already changed me.
Sometimes there are no words…and sometimes that means that there are lots that just go unsaid. Friend, these are just a few.
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This is beautiful, Laura. <3