What It Really Means Not to Potty Train Your Child

But first, a story:

Melissa was diligently taking notes.  It was her first year in college, and she made a promise to herself, that she was going to have everything under control.  Her first AP Physics test was coming up and she would be ready for it. But right as the professor was outlining key areas of study, for the upcoming test, the unexpected happened.  The grip on her favorite pen tightened, as her stomach started to cramp. She shouldn’t have had that second cup of coffee. She was feeling pretty gassy and a trip to the potty was imminent.  She quickly weighed the pros and cons of excusing herself to go to the restroom and makes the call. It’s not worth it. So she bears down, and craps her pants.

Don’t you love a story with a twist at the end?  Okay, this is clearly my finest piece of fiction. How many 18-year-olds do you know who still poop their pants?  What’s that you say? None? That’s because the choice that Melissa made, just doesn’t happen!  

As a mom, you hear it all.  How to potty train, when to start, techniques, etc.  And I’m grateful for all of the advice I can get. But here’s another great piece of advice:

It’s going to happen, so don’t stress!

I’m not saying, don’t potty train.  I think it’s inevitable that you just start talking about poop.  I mean, it’s eventually everywhere – the bath, the bed, the floor, the couch, the gravel in the backyard (don’t ask), oh yeah, and the toilet. So here are some tips how not to potty train your child:

1. Recognize those times when you have the strength to tackle it.  You know those times when you feel like you could win any mental challenge?  You make the threat to your child like “we could stay here all night”, and you’re thinking that you could actually make that happen without raising your voice twenty octives and every two minutes.  If you’re not in the game, they won’t be either.
2. Give yourself permission to stop when frustrations get high.  Piggybacking on that last sentiment, it’s okay to realize part way through that it’s just not a good time.
3. Stock up on cleaning supplies.  Wipes, of course, are always a must.  Make sure you’ve studied what works best to clean your sofa.  When my husband and I made the decision to invest in new couches, we purchased the 5-year warranty for cleaning and repair.  There was a pamphlet that outlined all of the types of cleaning that the warranty would cover. It actually listed human feces.  I specifically remember saying to the sales representative, “gross, who would ever let that happen?!”. “You’d be surprised,” he replied.  Let’s just say, I’m not surprised anymore.
4. Find a preschool that doesn’t require your child to be potty trained.  This is the most glorious find you’ll make as a toddler mom. The pressure of starting school and a new routine is enough to make me think about peeing myself a little.  So imagine the pressure it puts on that tiny being. You could try to rush it, take weeks off of work and hope for the best, or you could expand the radius of your search.  If it’s available, it’s worth a look.
5. Pour a glass of wine and sit with them.  I’ve done this. They’re not going to judge you.  I mean, you’re literally catching them with their pants down.

My son (and I) are currently potty training and my daughter, 5 ½ , got her cap and gown in this subject, a little over a year ago.  Yes, both of my kids were over four years old before they were potty trained (to clarify, I’m only talking about waking hours – nighttime is still up for grabs).  But guess what…it happened. That’s the ultimate goal right? We want them to be pee and poop on the porcelain throne. When they’re in college, will I be bragging that my son has the aim of a trained sniper, and can hit a cheerio in the toilet from five feet away?  No, I’ll be relieved he’s not having to carry an extra pair of underwear in his backpack, next to his protractor and Engineering lab books.  

My budgeted expenses will greatly decrease without the existence of pull-ups in our house.  Diapers and pull-ups have been in our house for the majority of six, going on seven years now.  So, the-sooner-the-better can be the motto. But don’t put yourself and your child in tears (all the time) trying to make it happen.

No one wants to be a Melissa.  Your child will realize that they don’t want to be Melissa.  It just might take them a little longer to figure it out.  

So keep trying (when you have the strength), but know your limits.  And also know that this rainbow mom is NOT going to judge.