A few years back, I was there. Or at least I thought I was. My husband was attending night school. We had a newborn and a twenty-month-old. In between homework assignments and projects, there was poop and tantrums (for pretty much everyone in the house). When I went back to work after my maternity leave, there was daycare drop-off and pick-up, homework, dinner, bath time, late night feedings, and conference calls while being home with sick kids. I looked at my husband one day (as we’re passing each other, heading in opposite directions – the usual) and simply stated, “We’re in the thick of it.” Fast forward to this week and two years later. Bigger poops, louder tantrums, hitting, kicking, biting, daycare drop-off and pick-up, work, baseball practice and games, and quarter-end work chaos I looked at my husband and said, “Remember when I said we were in the thick of it? I lied. Now we’re in the thick of it.” Which had me thinking, how do you really know when you’re in the thick of it? And how do you get reassurance that you’ll get out?
I suppose to answer that question, we should first find out what ‘it’ is. ‘It’ is a chaotic span of time. Emotionally, physically, mentally. Take your pick, or all of the above. When I look back at a few years ago, that span of time was in relation to my husband’s time-consuming class schedule, coupled with baby juggling (figuratively, not literally). Now, that chaos is the toddler years. And because I have a feeling I’ll be sounding out this same telling sentiment a week or a few months from now, let me narrow the focus. ‘It’ is the chaos of this specific week of toddler tales. When my kids have their first time out of the day, even before their first bowl of cereal.
There’s a certain implication when “you’re in the thick of it”, that the overwhelming moments you’re currently experiencing, will soon pass. But Moms, we know that’s a promise destined to be broken. There’s always something coming up. Another ‘it’. And if the time in between the chaos is too quiet, go find the kids, because someone is most likely misbehaving.
Life is full of many of these moments. When you feel like you can’t catch a breath.
I think back to those clear memories, in the moments and the years after my son’s death. I was in the thick of it…death, grief and searching for who I was, after the life I knew had fallen apart. Fast forward to now and I still have moments where I don’t know what to do. I feel the tears coming and I get overwhelmed still thinking that my child is gone. Like waves that hit when I’m not looking or prepared. For these moments, minutes, days, I’m back in the thick of it.
Overwhelming, yes. Life changing, absolutely. All of these challenges are shaping me into the parent and person I am, have to be, need to be, or want to be going forward. Trial and error with punishment. Practicing patience. Getting everyone down for bed (including me).
So, to recap, being in the thick of it, can happen at any time (most likely inconvenient) and is relative to a particular place in your life. It does pass, but something else will most likely show up to the party, just as you’re about to turn the front porch light off. It’s almost as if life is moments of being in the thick of it. Lucky for us, they can be held together with relationships of love, strength and support. Even if at times our best encouragement comes from ourselves. Why shouldn’t we be our biggest fans?
So, as much as you long to be past “the thick of it”, don’t forget to reflect, once you’re feeling a little less crazed. You just might find a little sense of pride, a stronger version of yourself, or maybe even a moment to make you smile (I know, this one could take some time).
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Great read!
All this ‘thickness’ plus a blog and being the glue for your family. Congratulate yourself for creativity and stamina; I do! xoxo
You’re incredible! You must have known exactly what I needed to read today. Luckily, I have a fabulous BFF to help get me through those times when I’m in the thick of it (always). 🙂