I could try to put this delicately so as not to offend those with an insatiable love for costumes, who love the smell of rubber masks, and who think applying fake blood is an art form…but I’m not gonna.
I really don’t like Halloween.
When I was in third grade I dressed up as a french maid. I had the black and white dress, fishnet stockings, the whole bit. I looked adorable if I do say so myself. For some reason I wanted to be a french maid with a serving tray. I don’t know, maybe being a waitress was my side hustle?
But I couldn’t just have a tray, I needed to put something on it. You know, to show my skills. So my Dad did me a solid, and glued a plastic cup to the top of the tray. But that still wasn’t enough for me. I needed something in the cup.
So again, my parents played along. My mom grabbed some Cheez-Its and put a handful in the plastic cup. Dual purpose: a costume prop AND a snack while out on the hunt for candy.
Oh man, I was so excited. I took off running from my house to catch up with friends, and tackle our first house. Well, these next moves gave new meaning to the word ‘tackle’.
As I arrived at the first house, I could see the other kids had already reached the door and rang the doorbell. The door was slowly opening. The kids all had their pillow case candy bags on the ready. I was almost there. And that’s when it happened.
In my rush, the tip of my patent black shoe, got caught up on the neighbors front step. As I put my hands down to the ground, to brace for impact, my restaurant tray went flying forward. Cheez-Its scattered the ground. I looked down to see a fresh hole in my fishnets and a scraped up knee. So embarrassing. Not to mention I remember it hurting like a b*tch.
I’m not wearing fishnets stockings anymore, so what bothers me about Halloween today? Two things in particular:
- People taking so much joy in hiding themselves – there’s a certain uncomfortableness about seeing people in costume. I have a hard time figuring people out already. How can I tell if you’re a good witch or a bad witch behind all that make-up and fake teeth?
- Strangers coming up to my front door – yes, they may only be three feet tall, but they’re demanding little people, am I right? “Can I take more than one piece?”
I have kids of my own and they’re just entering their many years of trick-or-treating. And I don’t want my anxiety about all of it, to sway how they feel about the holiday. So here are some tips that may help us slightly more introverted moms get through this ghoulish holiday:
Lights On – A bright house makes everything less scary. I mean, chandeliers are just glorified night lights. If they help, turn them on.
Take Your Kids Trick or Treating – at least if you’re out walking around, you can keep going. It’s kinda of like Dory’s motto, “Just keep swimming”. Don’t like something you see or not liking the people on pace with you to the next house? Help your kids cross to the other side of the street.
If it’s busy, stand at the ready with the door already open – If you do end up staying home to pass out the candy, and the thought of opening the door and closing it, sounds exhausting, don’t do it. Just keep the door open and crank out the orders.
Don’t over buy candy – yes, this is a lingering problem for the waistline (hole separate topic), but if you’re outta candy, then your job is done. Sorry kids, I thought I bought enough, but…
Lights Off by 8:30 – set a cut-off time that makes you feel comfortable. Don’t invite more freaky to the door than you need to. If the stream of kiddos starts to taper off, it’s a good sign that you’ve timed it just right and can head into the house (and lock the door) for the night.
Truth be told, I didn’t buy any candy this year. My kids didn’t suffer any and didn’t even notice. Leftover candy just helps the holiday linger into the next. And that’s not good for anyone.
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