How to Give Toddlers a Bath in 5 Easy Steps

1. Bath time should be a welcome time for kids and adults.  It can be an easy alternative when it’s a little too cold for time at the pool, and it can be a great tool for calming your children down before bedtime.  Draw the water and drop in some baby approved bubbles (who doesn’t love bubbles).
2. Get ready for the kids – the sound of the soothing water will most likely send them charging into the bathroom.  Remove their tiny little clothes items and try not to cringe as you realize sand from the sandbox has just jumped off of their soft Carter’s cotton and onto your once clean floor.  Don’t worry, you can wipe it up later with a used bath towel.
3. Gently wash their wiggly bodies and hair, all the while dodging the aim of small squirt toys.  This is about the time that you kindly remind them to keep the water in the bath. Now that they’re officially clean, you get out all of their bath toys, at their request, and let them know they have five minutes to play.  You could have said twenty minutes – they can’t tell time yet. This just means you have a few minutes to move their sand sprinkled clothes to the washing machine and lay out their fresh pull-ups and pajamas.
4. Thirty seconds after the “timer” begins, you can hear your first water fight…not the good kind.  What are the chances that out of the 45 bath toys you just dumped into the water, both kids want to play with the same exact mermaid?  Here’s a hint: this will happen all of the time. Use this as a teaching moment and tell them that if they can’t get along, no one gets the toy and bath time is over.  Crisis averted. Side note: taking the toy away is an empty threat. You can’t even locate it underneath all of the bubbles. Damn bubbles.
5. This is somewhat of a choose your own ending:

Option 1: Right before you’re about to prep the kids to get out of the water, you hear the word no bath time mother wants to hear.  “POOP!” You enter the bathroom to find both kids frozen at opposite ends of the bathtub, trying to sit perfectly still, so that the strange brown log floating between them doesn’t catch a wave in either direction.  Scoop poop up, and get ready for the 2nd bath.

Option 2: Make the mistake of asking the kids if they’re ready to get out.  They both look like they’re about to cry, as they sink deeper into the water.  After much yelling and coaxing, the kids get out of the bath. You proceed to get extremely sweaty trying to get their wet bodies into dry clothes.  It’s harder than trying to pry yourself out of a pair of pleather pants after a night of dancing with girlfriends (so I’ve heard). Except instead of saying things like “That was an epic dance off!”, you’re now saying things like, “Can you please just help mommy out?!” Once complete, rinse bubbles out of tub, put towels in the washing machine (don’t forget about the sand) and hope everyone stays clean for a few more days.