On September 13, 2004 a popular talk show host by the name of Oprah Winfrey, surprised her audience by offering them all a brand new car. That’s 276 brand new cars. I’m being careful with my words here, because there were some tax implications for guests who accepted the car. It was more of a prize offering than a gift really. But I’m getting off track here.
This has been deemed one of the greatest talk show moments in history. I mean, it’s a pretty awesome prize offering. Some might even say it was too nice.
There are two parts to what I just said above. There’s facts and there’s the opinion or the feelings about those facts.
Let’s look at the facts.
Oprah offered up 276 new cars to her audience. That’s it. That’s what happened.
Oprah is a very generous and nice person. That’s a fact? If you’re a person with strong convictions on this subject, you just might say “yes”. But the truth is, that is not fact. It is your feelings about the facts.
With every fact there is usually a set of emotions that follow.
I didn’t work out today. Fact.
Because I’m lazy, fat and there’s no hope for me. Ugh, although you may think it’s fact, there are definitely lots of emotions caught up in this one.
I came home late from work because I have a deadline. Fact.
My husband says I’m too generous with my time and I work too much. Emotion.
I held the door open for my coworker. Fact.
I am being too nice because that coworker is notoriously unhelpful and not a very nice person. Emotion.
It can be soooo hard to differentiate between fact and feelings, which is probably why we end up questioning or doubting ourselves all of the time. Or getting into fights with loved ones where both parties aren’t “willing to cave”.
I have been told that I’m too nice on multiple occasions by multiple people. I’m not trying to toot my own horn here, because when it’s been said, it’s more of “constructive feedback”. Like being nice is something I need to fix. And this of course has me thinking.
I need to be tougher. I need to be more assertive. I need to be stronger in my convictions.
But what are all of those statements? Fact? Yeah, this gets really tricky. Let’s take a step back.
So and so told me that I need to stop being so nice. Fact.
So and so is trying to provide constructive feedback and in this situation I feel comfortable being more assertive about (what it is I’m doing).
Or…
So and so is wrong and I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing because I don’t want to compromise who I am.
And just like that, two feelings about one fact.
Oprah offered her audience 276 new cars. Fact.
Oprah is the most generous person on the planet.
Or…
Oprah is so mean to be offering her middle income audience this “gift” when there’s no way they can afford the $7k gift tax on this new car.
So how do I feel about being called “too nice”? Well, it depends.
I know, you were hoping for something more definitive. Well, that’s your feeling about it 😉
It depends who’s providing me with the feedback and context is so important. It’s ultimately up to me to take from it what I want. If I feel like I’ve compromised myself by being too nice, then I may want to change how I manage certain situations going forward. If I feel like I was being nice in a situation and that is what was warranted, then I can move forward feeling good about what I’ve done.
Our lives are about facts and our emotions are about those facts. Grief is a great example. The fact is that my son died. The journey for me since then has been a rollercoaster of emotions.
My son was taken from me too early.
I was fortunate for the time I did have with him.
I can be all over the map on this one. And that’s okay. I think sometimes the most important thing is to just be aware of how we’re feeling and process the emotions as they come. I’ve heard that we can always choose how we want to feel, but I’m not fully on board with that. I think sometimes it is only with time (sometimes lots of it) that we’re able to see that a choice of how to feel is/was even possible.
And sometimes choosing to be nice can be a good thing.
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