This post contains affiliate links for your convenience and these are my honest opinions. Please click here for my full disclosure policy.
We’ve all done it. Adamantly defined things we’d never do when we become parents. And no, I’m not talking about our young teen self, shouting from the rooftops that we’d never be mad if our kids ever wanted to throw a rager at the house. I’m talking more about the twenty-something self, who isn’t necessarily hearing the sound of a clock ticking, but is starting to look forward to a time when we hopefully get to be a parent. It’s inevitable that once you’re married, people could care less if you took an awesome excursion on your honeymoon. They want to know if you carved out the time to make a baby. Don’t even think about telling a coworker that you’re tired. Clearly it’s morning sickness. I think it’s around this particular time in my life (defending the just-enjoying-being-a-married-couple years), that I started to form my own opinions surrounding certain topics in motherhood. I started to see friends and family members becoming parents and I paid more attention to the young parents scattered around me at restaurants and social settings. In my mind, I took stances on parenting choices. Some of these stances still hold true, now that I’m actually a parent. And some, well, some fell apart faster than an excuse to get outta jury duty. Here are a few of the not-so-sturdy stances:
No Bounce Houses – My husband always had a stronger stance on these than I did, but his rationale seemed solid, so I saw no point to argue. These pillowy tents are more like inflatable hot zones. There is no way I’m going to let my kids play in these. Umm, until I let them play in these. The first time I saw my daughter observe kids screaming in a bounce house, I was kinda intrigued to see how it would all play out. Would she seem disinterested? I’d be okay with that. But the other part of me was hoping she’d throw off her shoes and dive head first into a sea of salty, strange kid sweat. I wanted her to be brave. I wanted her to make friends. I wanted a few minutes to talk to other moms. My daughter and youngest son have both been bounce house participants now, and they love them. We were actually fortunate enough to gain our neighbor’s hand-me-down padded room, free of charge. This is the one we inherited
Being a Big Fat Hypocrite – This is a catch-all for pretty much everything in parenting. “Don’t hit your sister!” (as I swat my son’s hand). “Quit yelling!!!!” (as the vein in my neck starts to bulge). I’m constantly throwing around consequences, like early bed time, if these little ones don’t get their act together. Well guess what? Mommy’s act is barely hanging by a thread everyday, and she’s probably the one who should be sent to bed early (yes please). All of us moms want to do the right thing. We start out with a “practice what you preach” philosophy and it gradually melts into the more realistic “do as I say, not as I do” mantra.
Entertain Them With Electronics – I heard once that music icon, Madonna, didn’t let her kids even watch television growing up. I can be like Madonna. Yeah, for about half the day. The other half is leaning on YouTube Kids and an iPad
they start to turn on each other. Nap time is looming and meltdowns are imminent. What could possibly keep these kids playing on the same team? Yup, a small screen and random videos of kids unwrapping things. Or how about a long travel day to visit family, with two layovers, one delay and missed naps? Meet my friend LeapPad Platinum
Feed My Kids Junk – Carrot sticks and snap peas for my kids! I’ll present them with their first potato chip on their 10th birthday. Ok, I wasn’t that aggressive with my ideas of toddler nutrition, but I had every intention of going as healthy as possible. That’s still my intent, most of the time. A lot of the time? I want my kids to know what fruits and vegetables are. I cross my fingers it won’t always be a battle to get them to eat peas. But I also find joy in the economy boxes of snack bags from Costco. For most kids, life’s joy isn’t found in jicama. The look my kids give me while I’m opening their bag of Lay’s potato chips or Chips Ahoy cookies is something I’m going to bottle up and save forever. Life’s true treats.
Worry – I’m going to be the most easy-going parent ever. I’ll be so cool and hip and…don’t touch that! Get away from there! Hot! Dangerous! Watch out! There are a couple of elements guiding this parental potion. It’s one part parental anxiety and one part situational anxiety. Yes, I’d still like to think I can be pretty laid back. I think I’m actually doing an amazing job in light of going through child loss. Some situations just lend themselves to an abundance of hovering. I have Band-Aids in the medicine cabinet for when they hit life’s little bumps (literally), and I’ll try to keep a look out for the larger ones. That’s all we can do moms.
These are only five things, but I’m sure there are many more. What are some things you changed views on once you had children? I’ll never let my child sleep with me? They have to be potty-trained by the time they’re two years old? Just because views change, it doesn’t mean we’re failing or we’re caving. Okay, maybe we’re caving, but it serves a purpose. We’re picking our battles and we’re just trying our best. It’s a juggling act to come up with what works best for your kids, for you and for your family. Go easy on yourself Mom.
5 Essentials to Rediscovering Your Joy After Loss
Leave a Reply